Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
