I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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