Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
