So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Randomize
