On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
