the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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