so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Michael Bay diarrhea
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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