Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
