i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize