My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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