Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
