I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
he's gonorrhea incarnate
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
