But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
