the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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