I wannas sexs uuuuu
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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