I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
