her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You need a sexual gate keeper
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
