I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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