Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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