literally had 100 drinks last night.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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