no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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