is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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