My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
