I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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