Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
