Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
