It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
