I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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