I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
