Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
