do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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