Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
