Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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