It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
