I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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