What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
