I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
