Cold hands, warm shart.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
