Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
