Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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