At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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