i'm signing you up for texting rehab
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I think your dad took our porno
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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