I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
