She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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