you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
