I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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