I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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