Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
