My friends, they love my intelligence
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
