i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
