It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
