loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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