The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
